So life is going good for me. I have a nice office job. I'm renting a nice house. I just bought a sweet black 2006 Toyota Tacoma 4x4. It's much nicer than the one I almost bought back in May. But I'm still not happy. The only time I have been happy in a while was Saturday night at my party. I was happy because I was around people. But when everyone left, I got sad again. Tonight I watched a movie that I randomly picked out at the video store. It was a good black comedy, but all I could think about after it was over was how I didn't have anybody there to share the fun with. Some things just aren't as fun if you do them by yourself.

I realized that I have become socially withdrawn again. I never want to do anything. Well... I do want to do stuff. I guess I just don't have the energy to do it. But as I was trying to figure out why I have become so socially withdrawn lately, I realized something. I have always been socially withdrawn. I never go anywhere on my own. If I do, it's to go shopping or something like that, and I am quick to leave and go home. I only do stuff when friends call and drag me out of the house. I thought I wasn't doing anything because my friends weren't calling me anymore. But the problem is that I cut ties with the only two friends that knew how to get me out of the house. One of them couldn't get over his attraction towards me. The other just wasn't fun to be around any more. I have been wanting to make more friends thinking they will invite me out to do things, but all I really need is one person who knows how to get me out of the house.

I'm standing at the window watching the other kids play outside. I just wish someone would come knock on the door and invite me to join them.