Daniel Gonzalez, the guy who brought us the E-Jesus, sent me an email last month with answers to the Heterosexual Questionnaire. I have received a few comments about the Heterosexual Questionnaire, but he is the first to actually answer it. While it was purely rhetoric, I enjoyed reading his response. I was surprised to learn that a lot of people don't really understand the joke of the Heterosexual Questionnaire. The author took real questions that straight people ask homosexuals and turned them around. I've had someone try to tell me that straight people "don't go around making questionaires like 'what cause your homosexuality'." I know better cause I have been asked many of these questions. The questionnaire is supposed to be a mirror for people to look in. It is like the picture of the farm animals smoking cigarettes with the caption "It looks just as ridiculous when you do it." Unfortunately in both cases, many people just don't get the message.

-----Original Message-----
From: Daniel Gonzalez
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2004 2:53 PM
To: David S.
Subject: Your Hetero Questionnaire...

Hey Dave,

I've been meaning to add you to my link list for a while and finally got the chance earlier today. ;) I also made time today to answer your heterosexual questionnaire too. Although it was probably meant to be taken in a rhetorical context, it was still cathartic, educational and fun to fill out. I hope you enjoy my answers as much as you enjoy my E-Jesus, hehe. See you around. ;)

- Daniel

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
   I think I was more than likely born this way. Sure, I've been bombarded with heterosexual propaganda all of my life to reinforce this, but I'd like to think that I've come out on my very own regardless.
2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
   No one person or thing helped me decide this. I think it was more a collection of events and people such as several rigorous months of introspection, therapy, having been divorced from my loving, now lesbian, ex-wife, learning from her experiences in coming out to the people around her, and ultimately my experiences in understanding feelings that transcend human sexuality.
3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
   No. I'm pretty confident that this is who I really am.
4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
   For years it felt that way when I was young but only because it was drastically different from the conventional teenage lifestyle. We are brought up to fit this exact model of family/people and any deviations are seen as weaknesses. This is terrifying to children and teenagers because it opens up dreaded potential for alienation in a time of seemingly scarce and precious acceptance. It's no coincidence that insecurity thrives in this type of environment because it was born there.
5. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?
   I believe that meaningful love and strong bonds transcend sexual preference. Who or what you have sex with can never ultimately define who you are. If that were true then almost every teenage boy in the world would be a phalange-sexual.
6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
   Only a couple of close friends and my ex-wife know so far. Their reactions varied from not being surprised at all to awe and acceptance.
7. Why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle?
   Personally, I do not and will not ever seduce anyone into this lifestyle. I don't feel like I need to. Not just because it's what has been socially acceptable for centuries (that's just a copout), but because I'm secure enough in my own sexuality that I don't feel I need to surround my self with "convinced" straight people to justify/confirm my own sexuality.
8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?
   Well, if I kept it quiet I'd never meet anyone. Pair bonding can only happen through communication. It's not my fault the most successful form of this is flaunting.
9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they'd face?
   I would support and nurture my children regardless of what sexual orientation they were born with. We have enough problems with identity in this world. I would think that alleviating the pressure of one of the most repressed and oppressed naturally occurring human traits would give them a huge advantage in discovering who they are as people. Isn't that what parenting is supposed to be about?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
    I don't think that sexual orientation dictates behavior. A child molester can be anyone regardless.
11. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
    Again, I don't think that sexual orientation dictates behavior. People get divorced for their own personal reasons. Sociological patterns are evident on any level or type of relationship status but none have ever pointed to a definite conclusion.
12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
    I think this generalization it a little far fetched. It could be argued that homosexual males put more emphasis on sex because males, in general, are biologically more inclined to have it with just about anyone or thing.
13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you?
    Homosexuality isn't the saving grace of overpopulation. This question insinuates that homosexuals don't care about having children when that is far from the truth. All people, no matter what your background is, both want children and also don't want children. Again, this is a situation where sexual orientation does not dictate behavior. Overpopulation didn't and doesn't happen overnight. With proper education and safe sex practices, we can all benefit from our collective contributions for a controlled population environment.
14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you fear (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?
    The same could be said about homosexual therapists, but being that I don't believe that sexual orientation dictates behavior I think I'll have a better chance at finding and trusting a truly objective therapist than someone who consciously (or subconsciously) seeks a therapist with a suitable agenda.
15. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality and fail to develop your natural, healthy homosexual potential?
    I think this boils down to an individual's own personal needs, comfort level and even desires. I don't believe that sex is ultimately what a meaningful relationship is all about. Although I couldn't feel whole without it in a relationship it's more of a bonus than a requirement. That being said, I don't feel naturally compelled to have sex with or even have an intimate relationship with men. The act of doing so doesn't repulse me like most of my insecure heterosexual friends, but it doesn't appeal to me either. I also couldn't bear to live in a world where I could never again have intimate access to the female mind/body. Does that make me less whole? What about people that have non-functional genitalia or even no genitalia at all? Are they less whole (figuratively speaking of course)?
16. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed which might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
    You are what you are. Pretending to be someone else has never proven to be a viable means to happiness. I'll consider aversion therapy when I begin to believe in magic.